Searching 4 Me

I write this in my style of writing! This was written a long time ago and I found it and started reading it again and felt I have to put it on here.

N order 4 a person 2 truly find oneself

Meaning who U R, what is UR purpose N life and how R U going to live out UR life..

Me well, I can say somethings about my life

I’ve written about certain issues N my life and they say, 2 write it down

and try to understand it. This is what my mom said to do also. All ways right!

I can’t grasp on 2 my life that I am n 2 day!

Problems of my past 1/2 risen over my head and 1/2 torn my well being apart

Can it B that from childhood all the miss use of my feelings

and needs from the people who R supposed 2 love and nuture me

disrespected me, made fun of me all of my life

Hell, I know even when I was little I lied but that still didn’t stop

the abuse from family members, Who didn’t !

Even as I write this, I’ve got so many issues as we all do

inside my head and heart, it’s completely destroying me Life

I’ve all ways lost N life and I know it sounds crazy at times

I may repeat my problems, but how N the hell am I

supposed 2 function as A MAN, A PERSON, A HUMAN BEING

I tried to be the good son SMH didn’t workout

I was all ways LEFT behind

laughed at our family REUNIONS, talked about cos

I stuttered or couldn’t read or spell well

picked on cos I didn’t fit N with family. life, and friends….OUTSIDER

Then the real issue was never getting the real love from my

mom and that REALLY DISTURBED MY MIND

As time brings on time, I figured out what and why

that love never really caught my moms eye

I was just like the man she feel N love with B4 I was born

We will call him BILLY DEE with the music line of

POPPA WAS A ROLLIN STONE WHERE HE LAID HIS HAT WAS HIS HOME

AND WHEN HE DIED ALL HE LEFT US WAS ALONE……

MY LOOKS REMIND HER OF HIM EVERYDAY OF EVERY SECOND

OF EVERY HOUR THAT SHE COULD NOT FORGET WHAT HE DID

TO HER AND THAT WAS BREAKING HER HEART.

So searching 4 me is so dark and cloudy and far

I pray 4 the day 2 b over cos it’s nothing without her at my side

So I search 4 the ONE, as I raise my hand to GOD!

Searching 4 me till I find U

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